Painful Stories

The ego whispered with accusation.

“Pick up your presence and hide it away.”

“You don’t have to be seen.”

“You won’t be able to speak at Idea Potluck* feeling this way.”

“You can’t.”

“Fein sick, no one will know.”

“You’re not celebrated.”

“You’re not worthy.”

Shame attempted to smear itself over every inch of my heart and soul only this time I called its bluff!

I had gone away to celebrate my 25th Wedding Anniversary.

I returned feeling diminished, deflated and disappointed.

I was weighed down under the burden of depleting emotions.

Two days after my return I had a speaking engagement I had been super excited about.

First, I had a major hurdle to overcome. My ego was working over time to sabotage my speaking engagement. It was bruised and had zero interest in sticking its head out again for fear of failure and its story did not have a happy ending.

“You won’t be successful in this emotional state.”

“You’re a fraud.”

“You’re going to make a fool of yourself.”

“Just slink back into your corner where its safe and sound.”

Have you ever been tormented with these painful stories?

You’re not alone.

Your ego is a coward and she will use any reason to snuff out your light, dreams and desires.

It behaves like the queen bee making sure your light doesn’t shine too bright or to the contrast, puffs you up so you believe you are the queen bee. Both messages are dangerous.

You have to be clever to combat the ego but you are totally up for the task.

There’s really only one way, tell yourself the truth.

The ego spews lies but your heart is smart and knows the truth.

The truth that comes from your soul.

The knowing that is sometimes beyond words.

The knowing that resides in the heart and the gut.

What is the truth in those realms of your life?

In my situation,

I wanted this speaking opportunity with all my heart.

No way did my soul want to sabotage it.

This was a learning opportunity and although it was emotionally painful, it was just pain, not death and as long as I am breathing, “I’ve got this!”

I am a healer and I can heal myself in this situation.

It’s precisely because I am hurting that I’m relatable and have something to offer others.

I also remembered my intention for 2015.

To be seen. To share what I’ve learned in my life journey and what I teach my clients. To be a conduit of healing in this world which means I must be out there…in the world.

Remembering my deeply rooted truths and intentions allowed me to shelf my pain long enough to show up and just be real.

It worked. I rocked my talk!

We can definitely count on ugly words spewing from the part of our brain that simply cannot help itself from fear. We don’t have to be ruled by it and we must become the boss of it.

If you find yourself cornered by ugly, shameful thoughts.

Don’t cave to their judgement.

Tell yourself the truth and nothing but the truth.

If you need to, write out the precise words of the ego.

Do The Work by Byron Katie by asking four questions.

Question 1: Is it true?
This question can change your life. Be still and ask yourself if the thought you wrote down is true.

Question 2: Can you absolutely know it’s true?
This is another opportunity to open your mind and to go deeper into the unknown, to find the answers that live beneath what we think we know.

Question 3: How do you react—what happens—when you believe that thought?
With this question, you begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the thought, there is a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic. What do you feel? How do you treat the person (or the situation) you’ve written about, how do you treat yourself, when you believe that thought? Make a list, and be specific.

Question 4: Who would you be without the thought?
Imagine yourself in the presence of that person (or in that situation), without believing the thought. How would your life be different if you didn’t have the ability to even think the stressful thought? How would you feel? Which do you prefer—life with or without the thought? Which feels kinder, more peaceful?

Disprove the thought: Find at least three examples in your life or in history or from any other pertinent situation that disproves the thought. Be specific and do not pass this over.

Turn the thought around:
The “turnaround” gives you an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you believe and replaces the painful story.

Finally, don’t allow painful emotions to define who you are. Acknowledge them, experience them and allow them to move through you. We are created to experience all the emotions and each one is a gift as we explore their presence and meaning in our lives. If I would have allowed my emotional state to define last week, I would have stayed in bed all week and missed out on all the energizing encounters I had while speaking and attending The Women on Fire conference. Admittedly, I returned to my feelings but I’m not ruled by them. I did take Sunday as a day to rest and tend to my tender feelings. They appreciated me. I’m feeling much better today.

I’m living proof that while you are under the spell of distressing emotions, and an assault from your ego, you can in parallel pursue your heart’s desire.

*If you’re not familiar with Ideal Potluck, you need to be. It’s my favorite night out in Chicago.