No More Apologies, Please

No More Apologies, Please

I double dog dare you over the next week to observe  how many apologies are extended by yourself and others.  I'm sorry I forgot to call, I'm sorry I didn't return your email, I'm sorry I didn't pick up your shirts at the cleaners, I'm sorry I can't help make and bake 200 pies  for the Thanksgiving Celebration, I'm sorry I didn't get little Jimmy his birthday present mailed on time, I'm sorry I don't have time to help Susie with the social service project, I'm sorry I won't be hosting our annual Fund Raising Gala, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. 

Can't you just feel the energy being sucked dry with the utterance of each apology? 

I was with a few girlfriends in October at an iconic Spanish cafe in Chicago enjoying sangrias, tapas and great conversation.   One woman, the mother of two boys under the age of 2 was nearing the end of maternity leave.   Her day is spent going from one happy, crying, hungry, diaper filled little one to the next gasping for air in between.  Her husband has interests in her after a long day of work, emails pile up, "thank you" notes go unwritten,  friends inquire "and what DO you do with yourself all day long,"  boss requests she return to work a few weeks early.  Everyone wants a piece of this woman.  To top if off,  guilt about not meeting the demands and social pressures of the "others" in her life lingers like a bad odor. 

The two experienced mothers at the table were quick to relieve the guilt and offer clever advise worth repeating.

In one girlfriend's best southern draw she sweetly commanded, "Listen, click "auto reply" with a message something like this…I'm sure you'll understand if I don't reply promptly due to my responsibilities as a mom which includes changing 50 diapers a day, breast feeding 8 times a day, feeding and entertaining a toddler not to mention my executive duties as hunter and gatherer, chef and laundress extraordinaire for our family of four."

Mouths wide open we all burst into laughter realizing the absurd expectations thrust upon women.  

Apologies tend to suck us into the vortex of self condemnation. The next time you are tempted to apologize put your situation through my

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Will your apology move the relationship to a healthy status or perpetuate the need for further apologies?  

Will the apology satisfy the "offended" or provide fuel for future accusations and requests?

Will you feel better or worse after the apology?  Sometimes, apologies help  clear up emotional baggage.  Let's face it,  sometimes our actions do not honor others and we have an awakening at some point and want to extend an apology for our own emotional well being.  In these instances the receiver rarely expects or anticipates the apology and responds with graciousness.   Purposeful apologies leave us feeling released from the emotional baggage that once hindered our freedom.   Recently, I was the recipient of an unexpected heartfelt apology  which left me feeling admiration for my friend.  

Are you the perpetrator expecting apologies from friends for every misdemeanor?  Evaluate your expectations of others to determine if you could have unrealistic expectations of friends and family.  Are you quick to frustration over unanswered messages, emails, tardiness or others' inability to do what you have asked of them?  If so, it's simple…drop the expectations and begin assuming the best of everyone in your life.   I promise it will multiply the size of your heart!  Good thoughts make us feel good, bad thoughts make us feel bad.   It simply feels lighter to assume the best. 

May we power one another onward and upward to the DeLightFull Life rather than the downward spiral of DeFeat!

Cheers to making life feel De-LIGHT-Full within the sisterhood!