Top Chef

“I can make my own dinner,” smartly replied my 10 year old son, Bruno, to my meager attempts to support my faulty theory about doing a task just because it’s his responsibility.  My morning lecture was classic!  Including the myriad of reasons in my best "blah, blah, blah" tone about why he should unload the dishwasher even though he didn’t want to.  ”I made dinner last night and the preceding nights before that when I really didn’t want to because well, that’s just what you do when you’re a mom and when you’re a kid and mom asks you to help out, you just do it.”

Drains the life force right out of me just recounting the scenario.

Bruno nailed me; one deep breath and I knew it.  I couldn’t support my own lecture if I wanted to.  It didn’t stand up.   Why had his comment seared me, what was my silly lecture about anyway and what did I really want?  It wasn’t about the dishwasher and his complaint about my early morning request. 

One of my infamous mantras is “you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free.”  This holds true even for the mundane functions of daily life.   My TRUTH:  I was tired to the bone of my dinner prep routine and honestly feeling burned out and bitter. 

Defending his independence and capability Bruno was absolutely right.  His comment landed in the center of my fatigue and bitterness; my chef duties had become purely motivated by the dark, ugly force of martyrdom.  There was nothing life giving and nutritious about that! 

Bruno’s comment lingered long after he left for school.  I needed a dinner-time solution.  I consciously chose to prepare a nice meal that evening hoping to shift my own energy.  The truth was I could still hear a still small voice within grumbling “one more night, one more meal, I’m tired of this routine.” I placed the meal on the table and called the troops down.   One by one they descended, took their places, we barely finished our prayer when several kids groaned loud objections to the meal I had labored over.  Tempted to be hurt, angry and scream at the top of my lungs…I took a deep breath, opened my mouth and observed as the solution rolled off my tongue as if I had spent hours scheming it. 

Magic was beginning to appear!

I explained that the following week, each child would be responsible for dinner one night.  They would decide what to prepare, create the grocery list, enlist help as needed and the only requirement was at least one vegetable and one protein on the table. 

As the words flowed from my tongue effortlessly, I could feel the stress roll off my shoulders and descend into the abyss.  What a brilliant idea.  I have 5 kids, there are 5 days in the work week, transfer of responsibility, enlist their brilliance and unshackle my dinner time chains.   There were minor grumbles about homework responsibilities but the reality was we all knew they each had plenty of extra time on their hands at least one day per week.  

Take a peek at Kathleen as she sautes mushrooms and garlic for Creamy Straw and Hay Fettuccine. 

 

That's what I call "The Sweet Life." 

Mom delivered from the muck and mire of dreaded responsibility while kids experiment with their capabilities, take leadership and are rewarded for the brilliance of their contribution. 

What’s the “take home” for you? 

We NEVER  “have to” do anything really.  Trust me.  We choose to do what we do and if we really don’t want to, there is a creative way we can change the arrangement.  Sometimes we need a catalytic event, like my morning encounter with Bruno, so the truth can bubble to the top and be known. 

Pay attention to how you respond to any given responsibility or “have to.”

Where there is dread and bitterness consider what is beneath the surface of those feelings.

Ask yourself the following 5 questions in your quest to move from obligation to freedom.

1.    Write down something you have to do but you hate doing.

2.    Why do you do this?

3.    Why do you believe you have to do it?

4.    What would happen if you didn’t do this?

5.    Why would that be so bad?

I appreciate the courage required to relieve ourselves from the "have to's" in life.   The biggest hurtle is believing you don't "have to" do the "have to's."  For many people, that is a leap over the highest peak.  If this is you, I suggest you experiment with one simple responsibility that makes you cringe.  Go through the questions and come up with an alternative and see how that feels. 

I promise freedom from obligation tastes divine and everyone in your intimate circle will benefit because the authentic happiness that comes from within lightens and brightens life. 

The Sweet Life is making conscious decisions about the ingredients we put into the batter of our life. 

I’m off to add Vosges chocolate, how about you? 

Tip: Kathleen googled "quick and easy recipes for kids."